What Horses Teach Us About Leadership and Love
Lexie Glisson • August 11, 2025

In the arena with horses, I've learned one of life's most profound lessons: true leadership  isn't about being hard or soft—it's about being both. Horses have taught me that the most effective leaders, the most magnetic partners, and the most trustworthy friends all share a common quality: they can hold structure while remaining soft, provide clarity while staying open, and offer strength while maintaining tenderness. 


This dance between structure and softness isn't just essential for working with horses—it's the foundation of every healthy relationship in our lives. 


Why Do Horses Need Both Structure and Softness? 


Horses Seek Leaders Who Can Provide Safety and Connection 

In the wild, horses follow leaders who can provide both protection and care. The lead mare must be strong enough to make quick decisions and guide the herd away from danger, yet soft enough to nurture the young and maintain social bonds. This combination of strength and tenderness creates the safety that allows the entire herd to thrive. 


When working with horses, they're constantly assessing: "Can this human provide clear leadership when I need it? Can they also be gentle and responsive to my needs?" They need both the masculine container of structure and the feminine flow of softness to feel truly safe. 


What Does Structure Look Like with Horses? 


The masculine aspect of leadership—what I call the "container"—provides:

  • Clear boundaries and expectations 
  • Consistent, reliable presence 
  • Decisive action when needed 
  • Protection and safety 
  • Direction and purpose 


With horses, this shows up as: 

  • Clear, consistent cues and expectations 
  • Confident body language and energy 
  • Immediate, appropriate responses to boundary-testing 
  • Reliable leadership that horses can trust 
  • Direction that helps horses feel secure 


What Does Softness Look Like with Horses?


The feminine aspect of leadership—the "flow"—provides: 

  • Emotional attunement and empathy 
  • Flexibility and adaptability 
  • Nurturing and care 
  • Intuitive responsiveness 
  • Connection and relationship 


With horses, this shows up as: 

  • Gentle, responsive touch and energy 
  • Attunement to the horse's emotional state 
  • Flexibility in approach based on the horse's needs 
  • Nurturing presence that invites connection 
  • Intuitive adjustments to maintain harmony 


What Happens When Structure and Softness Are Out of Balance? 


Structure Without Softness Creates Fear 

When leadership is all structure without softness, it becomes rigid, controlling, and fear based. Horses (and humans) may comply out of fear, but they don't truly trust or connect. 


This creates: 

  • Compliance without engagement 
  • Suppressed authenticity 
  • Resentment and resistance 
  • Lack of genuine connection 
  • Stress and anxiety in the relationship 


Softness Without Structure Creates Chaos 

When leadership is all softness without structure, it becomes unclear, inconsistent, and  anxiety-provoking. Without clear boundaries and direction, horses (and humans) feel unsafe and may become pushy or anxious.


This creates: 

  • Confusion about expectations 
  • Boundary violations 
  • Anxiety from lack of clear leadership 
  • Disrespect and pushiness 
  • Instability in the relationship 


The Magic of Integration 

When structure and softness are integrated, something magical happens:

  • Trust deepens because others feel both safe and seen 
  • Authentic connection emerges because people can be themselves within clear boundaries
  • Respect grows because leadership is both strong and caring 
  • Creativity flourishes because there's safety to explore within clear containers - Growth happens because there's both challenge and support 


How Does This Apply to Romantic Relationships? 


The Structure (Masculine Container) in Love 

Clear communication about needs and boundaries: 

  • Expressing your needs directly and kindly 
  • Setting healthy boundaries without apology 
  • Following through on commitments consistently 
  • Being reliable and trustworthy in your actions 


Providing emotional stability: 

  • Remaining calm during conflicts or stress 
  • Offering steady presence during your partner's difficult times 
  • Taking initiative in planning and decision-making when needed 
  • Creating safety through consistent, loving behavior 


The Softness (Feminine Flow) in Love 

Emotional attunement and responsiveness: 

  • Reading and responding to your partner's emotional needs 
  • Showing empathy and understanding during difficult times 
  • Being flexible and willing to adapt when circumstances change 
  • Offering comfort and nurturing when your partner is struggling 


Vulnerability and openness: 

  • Sharing your own emotions and needs authentically 
  • Being receptive to your partner's feedback and requests 
  • Maintaining playfulness and joy in the relationship 
  • Staying open to growth and change together 


The Integration in Romantic Relationships 

Partners who can be both strong and tender, decisive and flexible, protective and nurturing  create relationships where both people feel safe to be fully themselves. They can have difficult conversations with both honesty and compassion, make decisions together with both logic and intuition, and support each other with both strength and gentleness. 


How Does This Apply to Parenting?


The Structure (Masculine Container) in Parenting 

Clear, consistent boundaries: 

  • Setting age-appropriate rules and expectations 
  • Following through with consequences consistently 
  • Providing reliable routines and structure 
  • Teaching responsibility and accountability 


Protection and guidance: 

  • Creating physical and emotional safety 
  • Offering direction when children feel lost or overwhelmed 
  • Modeling calm authority during challenging moments 
  • Helping children develop their own internal structure 


The Softness (Feminine Flow) in Parenting 

Emotional attunement and nurturing: 

  • Validating children's emotions and experiences 
  • Offering comfort during difficult times 
  • Being flexible based on each child's unique needs 
  • Responding intuitively to emotional cues 


Connection and play: 

  • Creating space for joy and playfulness 
  • Showing genuine interest in your child's world 
  • Offering physical affection and emotional warmth 
  • Celebrating your child's unique qualities and growth 


The Integration in Parenting 

Children thrive with parents who can provide both clear structure and responsive care. They need to know the boundaries while also feeling deeply loved and understood. This integration helps children develop both self-discipline and self-compassion, both respect for others and confidence in themselves.

 

How Does This Apply to Friendships? 


The Structure (Masculine Container) in Friendship 

Reliability and consistency: 

  • Showing up when you say you will 
  • Being honest and direct in communication 
  • Maintaining healthy boundaries around time and energy
  • Offering accountability and truth-telling when needed 


Dependable support: 

  • Being present during friends' challenges 
  • Following through on commitments and promises 
  • Providing stable, consistent friendship over time 
  • Standing up for friends when they need support 


The Softness (Feminine Flow) in Friendship 

Emotional support and empathy

  • Listening without judgment or trying to fix 
  • Offering comfort and understanding during difficult times 
  • Celebrating friends' successes and joys 
  • Being flexible and understanding when plans change 


Nurturing connection: 

  • Creating space for vulnerability and authentic sharing 
  • Showing genuine care and interest in friends' lives 
  • Being responsive to friends' changing needs 
  • Maintaining playfulness and joy in the friendship 


The Integration in Friendship 

The best friendships combine reliability with responsiveness, honesty with compassion, and strength with tenderness. Friends can count on each other for both practical support and emotional care, both honest feedback and loving acceptance. 


How Does This Apply to Professional Relationships? 


The Structure (Masculine Container) at Work 

Clear expectations and boundaries: 

  • Communicating expectations clearly and directly 
  • Maintaining professional boundaries and standards 
  • Following through on commitments consistently 
  • Taking responsibility for your work and decisions 


Competent leadership: 

  • Making decisions confidently when leadership is needed 
  • Providing direction and clarity during uncertain times 
  • Maintaining professional integrity and ethics 
  • Offering reliable, consistent performance


The Softness (Feminine Flow) at Work 

Emotional intelligence and collaboration: 

  • Reading and responding to team dynamics 
  • Showing empathy and understanding for colleagues 
  • Being flexible and adaptable when situations change 
  • Creating inclusive, supportive work environments 


Supportive presence: 

  • Offering help and support to colleagues when needed 
  • Celebrating team successes and individual achievements 
  • Being responsive to feedback and willing to adjust 
  • Maintaining positive, encouraging energy 


The Integration in Professional Settings 

The most effective leaders and colleagues can be both competent and caring, direct and  empathetic, strong and supportive. They create work environments where people feel both challenged to do their best work and supported in their growth and development. 


How Do I Develop Both Structure and Softness? 


Developing Your Masculine Container (Structure) 

  • Practice clear, direct communication: 
  • Say what you mean without over-explaining or apologizing 
  • Set boundaries kindly but firmly 
  • Follow through on your commitments consistently 
  • Make decisions with confidence, even when uncertain 


Build reliable presence: 

  • Show up consistently for the people in your life 
  • Be emotionally stable during challenging times 
  • Take responsibility for your actions and their impact 
  • Provide protection and safety when others need it 


Strengthen your inner authority: 

  • Trust your judgment and decision-making ability 
  • Stand firm in your values and principles 
  • Take initiative rather than waiting for others to lead 
  • Develop confidence in your ability to handle challenges


Developing Your Feminine Flow (Softness) 

Cultivate emotional attunement: 

  • Practice reading others' emotional states and needs 
  • Respond with empathy and understanding 
  • Validate others' experiences and feelings 
  • Offer comfort and support during difficult times 


Embrace flexibility and responsiveness: 

  • Adapt your approach based on others' needs 
  • Stay open to new information and perspectives 
  • Flow with changing circumstances rather than rigidly resisting 
  • Let go of expectations when flexibility serves the relationship 


Nurture connection and care: 

  • Show genuine interest and care for others 
  • Offer physical and emotional comfort when appropriate 
  • Create space for others to be vulnerable and authentic 
  • Celebrate others' successes and support their growth 


What Does This Integration Look Like in Equine-Assisted Therapy?


Teaching Structure Through Horse Interaction 

In my sessions, I help clients practice providing clear, confident leadership with horses: 


Setting clear boundaries: 

  • Learning to ask horses to respect personal space 
  • Practicing consistent, understandable communication 
  • Following through with appropriate responses 
  • Creating safety for both horse and human 


Embodying confident presence: 

  • Developing calm, grounded energy that horses can trust 
  • Making clear decisions and sticking with them 
  • Taking leadership when the situation requires it 
  • Building genuine confidence through successful interactions 


Teaching Softness Through Horse Connection 

I also help clients practice responsive, nurturing connection. 


Emotional attunement:

  • Reading and responding to the horse's emotional state 
  • Adjusting approach based on the horse's needs 
  • Offering comfort when horses are stressed or uncertain 
  • Building trust through gentle, caring interaction 


Flexible responsiveness: 

  • Adapting methods when the horse gives feedback 
  • Staying open to what the horse is communicating 
  • Flowing with the horse's energy rather than forcing 
  • Trusting intuition about what the horse needs 


The Integration in Action 

The most powerful moments in equine therapy happen when clients find the integration point—when they can be both strong and soft, clear and caring, structured and flowing. Horses respond to this integration with trust, cooperation, and genuine connection. 


When someone achieves this balance, horses will: 

  • Approach willingly and stay engaged 
  • Respond to requests with cooperation rather than resistance 
  • Show signs of relaxation and trust 
  • Mirror the person's calm, confident energy 
  • Engage in mutual, respectful interaction 


How Can You Practice This Integration in Daily Life? 


Start with Self-Awareness 

Notice your natural tendencies: 

  • Do you tend to be more structured or more soft? 
  • In which situations do you default to one extreme? 
  • How do others respond to your current leadership style? 
  • What would more balance look like for you? 


Pay attention to your body: 

  • How does it feel when you're being too rigid? 
  • How does it feel when you're being too flexible? 
  • What does integrated leadership feel like in your body? 
  • How does your energy change when you find the balance? 


Practice in Low-Stakes Situations 

Try more structure when you're usually too soft:

  • Set a clear boundary with a friend about your time 
  • Make a decision confidently without seeking multiple opinions 
  • Follow through on a commitment even when it's inconvenient 
  • Speak directly about a need rather than hinting 


Try more softness when you're usually too structured: 

  • Respond with empathy before offering solutions 
  • Adapt your plans when someone else has different needs 
  • Show vulnerability by sharing your own struggles 
  • Offer comfort without trying to fix the situation 


Use Feedback from Relationships 

Notice how others respond: 

  • Do people seem to trust your leadership? 
  • Do they feel safe being vulnerable with you? 
  • Are they both respectful and authentic in your presence? 
  • Do your relationships feel balanced and mutual? 


Ask for direct feedback: 

  • "How do you experience my leadership style?" 
  • "Do you feel both supported and challenged by me?" 
  • "What would help you feel safer in our relationship?" 
  • "How could I better balance structure and care?" 


Why Do Horses Respond So Well to This Integration? 


They Need Both for Survival 

In the wild, horses need leaders who can make quick, decisive decisions (structure) while also maintaining social bonds and caring for the herd (softness). This integration is literally a matter of survival for them. 


They Can Sense Authenticity 

Horses immediately sense when someone is trying to be only strong or only soft. They respond most positively to humans who can authentically embody both qualities because it feels natural and safe to them. 


They Mirror Our Integration 

When we find the balance between structure and softness, horses mirror that balance back to us. They become both respectful and affectionate, responsive and engaged, showing us what healthy relationship looks like. 


They Teach Us Through Immediate Feedback 

Horses provide instant, honest feedback about our energy and approach. If we're too rigid, they become resistant or shut down. If we're too soft, they become pushy or anxious. When we find the integration, they respond with trust and cooperation. 


The Ripple Effect in Your Life 

When you learn to integrate structure and softness—whether through working with horses or other practices—the effects ripple out into every area of your life: 

  • Your relationships deepen because people feel both safe and seen with you, leading to more  authentic, trusting connections. 
  • Your leadership improves because others respond to your balanced authority with respect and cooperation, whether in professional settings or personal relationships. 
  • Your confidence grows because you develop genuine confidence that comes from knowing you can be both strong and caring, depending on what's needed. 
  • Your authenticity emerges because you stop trying to be only one way and start expressing the full range of your natural leadership abilities. 
  • Your impact expands because people are naturally drawn to leaders who can hold both structure and softness, allowing you to influence and support others more effectively. 


The Ongoing Dance 

The dance between structure and softness isn't something you master once—it's an ongoing practice of attunement, adjustment, and integration. Some situations call for more structure, others for more softness, and the art is in knowing which is needed when. 


Some days you'll lean too far toward structure and need to soften. Other days you'll be too flexible and need to strengthen your boundaries. This isn't failure—it's the natural process of learning to dance between these complementary energies. 


The Invitation 

Horses are master teachers of this integration because they live it naturally. They can be both powerful and gentle, strong and nurturing, decisive and responsive. They show us that we don't have to choose between being strong or being soft—we can be both.


The world needs leaders who can hold both structure and softness, who can be both strong  and caring, who can provide both direction and connection. Whether in your romantic relationships, your parenting, your friendships, or your professional life, this integration creates the foundation for relationships where everyone can thrive. 


If you’re ready to explore how the integration of strength and softness can transform your relationships and leadership, connect with Lexie Glisson, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Equus Coach, to begin your own journey of growth and transformation. Embrace the dance between strength and tenderness, and step into the kind of leadership that inspires trust and connection wherever you go.

Therapy with horses
By Lexie Glisson August 7, 2025
Feeling overwhelmed by others’ opinions? Learn how to quiet the noise, reconnect with your inner wisdom, and start trusting yourself—through nature, therapy, and equine-assisted healing.
Therapy with Horses
By Lexie Glisson July 30, 2025
Learn how paying attention to both your thoughts and surroundings through dual awareness can help calm your nervous system and reduce stress.
Meditation in nature
By Lexie Glisson July 29, 2025
Facing a big decision but feeling torn inside? Explore why your mind and body might disagree—and how somatic therapy and equine wisdom can guide you to integrated choices.
Nature Based Therapy in Boulder
By Lexie Glisson July 17, 2025
Discover why traditional talk therapy wasn’t enough and how nature-based therapy, including equine-assisted healing, offers a deeper, more embodied path to emotional well-being.
Equine Assisted Therapy after Psychedelic Journeys
By Lexie Glisson July 16, 2025
Discover how equine-assisted therapy supports integration after psychedelic journeys, spiritual retreats, and life-changing experiences by helping you ground insights through somatic, present-moment connection with horses.
By Lexie Glisson June 29, 2025
Is Always ‘Getting Back On the Horse’ Harming Your Emotional Healing?
By Lexie Glisson June 28, 2025
What Can Working with Young Horses Teach Us About Self-Growth?
By Lexie Glisson June 28, 2025
What is Nature-Based Equine Therapy?
By Lexie Glisson June 9, 2025
In the serene setting of our Boulder mountain barn, two powerful healing modalities come together: the structured approach of Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and the intuitive wisdom of equine-assisted therapy . As a Licensed Clinical Social Worker specializing in trauma healing , I've witnessed how this combination creates a unique pathway to recovery that engages both mind and body. How Does EMDR and Equine Therapy Work Together for Trauma Treatment? The integration of EMDR and equine therapy isn't just a combination of techniques – it's a holistic approach that addresses trauma healing from multiple angles. While EMDR helps process traumatic memories through bilateral stimulation, horses provide immediate, embodied feedback that grounds clients in the present moment. Key Components of Combined EMDR and Equine Therapy: Safety and Stabilization Horses naturally create a safe environment through their non-judgmental presence The barn setting offers a calm, nature-connected space for processing EMDR's structured approach provides clear boundaries and expectations Resource Development Horses serve as living resources for emotional regulation Physical presence of horses supports dual attention during EMDR processing Natural environment enhances the installation of positive resources Benefits of Combining EMDR and Equine Therapy for PTSD and Trauma The Power of Dual Processing: EMDR activates the brain's natural healing mechanisms Horses provide immediate biofeedback about emotional states Combined approach addresses both cognitive and somatic aspects of trauma What to Expect in Your First EMDR and Equine Therapy Session A typical session might include: Initial grounding work with horses EMDR processing with equine support Somatic awareness exercises Mindful presence practice Integration through horse-human interaction How Do Horses Help with EMDR Therapy: Benefits and Research Horses contribute to EMDR therapy by: Offering natural bilateral stimulation through movement Providing immediate feedback about emotional shifts Creating a safe container for processing difficult memories Supporting present-moment awareness Why Choose EMDR with Horses Instead of Traditional EMDR The Magic of Integration: Combines structured trauma processing with intuitive healing Addresses both psychological and physical aspects of trauma Creates multiple pathways for healing and growth EMDR and Equine Therapy Success Stories: Real Client Experiences One client, struggling with complex trauma, found that the presence of horses helped her stay grounded during EMDR processing. When memories became overwhelming, the steady rhythm of the horse's breathing provided a natural anchor to the present moment. How Long Does EMDR with Horses Take: Treatment Timeline The Journey of Healing: Initial assessment and resource building Development of safe/calm place with equine support Gradual integration of EMDR processing Ongoing somatic awareness work with horses Is EMDR with Horses Right for Me? Who Benefits Most This combined approach is particularly effective for: Complex trauma survivors Individuals with attachment wounds Those who struggle with traditional talk therapy People who feel disconnected from their bodies Anyone seeking a more holistic approach to healing How to Start EMDR and Equine Therapy in Boulder, Colorado As someone who has experienced both the healing power of horses and the transformative effects of EMDR, I understand the unique value of combining these modalities. Whether you're dealing with past trauma, current anxiety, or seeking deeper self-connection, this integrated approach offers a powerful path to healing. Ready to begin your healing journey? Contact me to learn how combined EMDR and equine therapy might support your path to recovery.
By Lexie Glisson June 6, 2025
What is Equine Therapy and How Does it Help Teenagers? In the gentle morning light at our Boulder mountain barn, I witness transformations that go beyond traditional therapy. As someone who discovered horses' healing power during my own teenage struggles with a broken back at fifteen, I understand firsthand how these magnificent animals can guide teens through their most challenging years. Today, as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker specializing in equine-assisted therapy in Boulder, Colorado , I work extensively with teens aged 15–28, helping them navigate the same turbulent waters of adolescence I once faced. The power of equine therapy for teens lies in its unique ability to address the core challenges of this transformative life stage. How Do Horses Help with Teen Anxiety and Depression? Teens today face unprecedented challenges: Finding authentic self-expression Building genuine connections Managing anxiety & social pressures Developing healthy boundaries Understanding their own worth beyond achievement Why is Equine Therapy Effective for Teenagers? Authentic Self-Expression In a world where teens constantly feel pressured to present a curated version of themselves on social media, horses offer refreshing honesty. They respond to who we truly are, not who we pretend to be. When a teen steps into the arena, their Instagram followers and social status become irrelevant. What matters is the authentic connection they create with these magnificent beings. Real-Time Feedback Horses provide immediate, non-judgmental feedback about our emotional states and behaviors. For a teen struggling with anxiety but trying to "play it cool," a horse might step away, reflecting their inner turmoil. This natural mirroring helps teens develop greater self-awareness and emotional intelligence. One of my teenage clients, who struggled with maintaining a "perfect" image at school, found profound relief when she realized our therapy horse responded most positively to her genuine self—not the carefully constructed persona she showed the world. Building Healthy Relationships Working with horses teaches teens essential relationship skills: Clear communication Respect for boundaries Leadership without dominance Trust-building Reading non-verbal cues Confidence Through Competence There’s something uniquely empowering about successfully communicating with a 1,000-pound animal. When teens learn to set boundaries, guide, and connect with horses, they develop a genuine sense of confidence that transfers to other areas of their lives. Present-Moment Awareness In an age of constant digital distraction, horses pull teens into the present moment. You can’t scroll through TikTok while building a relationship with a horse. This presence offers a much-needed break from the overwhelming pace of teenage life. Can Horses Help Teenagers with Communication Skills? For many teens, especially those struggling with trauma or anxiety , traditional talk therapy can feel intimidating. Equine therapy offers an alternative approach where healing can happen without words. Through groundwork exercises and relationship-building with horses, teens can: Process emotions without having to verbalize them Develop self-regulation skills Build trust at their own pace Experience unconditional acceptance What Happens During an Equine Therapy Session for Teens? Our mountain barn setting provides a natural sanctuary away from academic pressures, social media, and family dynamics. Here, teens can: Experiment with new ways of being Make mistakes without judgement Discover their inner-strength Connect with their authentic selves Build confidence through practical experience How is Equine Therapy Different from Traditional Teen Counseling? Unlike traditional office-based therapy, equine-assisted sessions engage teens on multiple levels: Physical movement and embodied learning Emotional awareness and regulation Social skills development Nature connection Mindfulness practice What Should Parents Know About Equine Therapy for Their Teens? As someone who found healing through horses during my own teenage years, I understand the unique challenges today's adolescents face. Whether dealing with anxiety, depression, trauma, or the normal turbulence of teenage life, equine therapy offers a powerful path to self-discovery and growth. How Do I Get Started with Equine Therapy for My Teenager? If you're a teen (or parent of a teen) curious about how equine-assisted therapy might support your journey, I invite you to reach out. Together, we can explore how these extraordinary animals can help you navigate the path to adulthood with greater confidence, authenticity, and connection.
Show More